假如女性朋友们在给男同胞发“好人卡”时，把内心的真实想法都确实地说出来，会是什意思呢？那就是……咱们做恋人缘分不够，但可以一辈子做最好的朋友哦！
I really like you. I do. You re so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don t really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don t you think?
I knew you would understand. You always do.
We re so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn t want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing1 in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate2 this wonderful setup I ve got going here.
It s just…you re like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately3 want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate4 the six years you ve spent languishing5 in this platonic6 nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined7 to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don t have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego8.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I d call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn t answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate9 sex with him for four months and now we don t even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I ve known you so long, you re more like a brother that I ve drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It d be way too weird10. And if we did, then whenever you d come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I ve had a bad day at work, you d be looking at me like, "I ve seen her breasts." God, I can t think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I d be all needy11 and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don t see how much it crushes you. Let s never lose that. That s what makes us us.
Don t worry. You re so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You ll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I ll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty12 and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won t believe it when you say we re just friends. But when she dumps you, that s just what we ll be.
Best friends. Friends forever.
